M.R. Gott's Cutis Anserina: Embrace of the Vampire 2013 remake

Back in High School or Junior High I remember seeing Embrace of the Vampire. It was beyond abysmal even to a young audience, though I did not feel totally slighted as the main reason for the rental was to see Alyssa Millano without a shirt on. That did happen a great deal and I remember little else about it.

Trailers for the new one showed up everywhere to me, and looked like it had some potential so relenting to the seemingly supernatural forces I added it to my netflix list. I am very interested in finding a supernatural horror flick that is legitimately scary and sexy. Alas this film is not the one and Animals the poorly cast and budged Skipp and Spector adaptation is still in the lead.

The film follows Charlotte Hawthorne(Sharon Hinnendael), a naive college freshmen on a fencing scholarship and a dark secret relating to an unspecified medical condition. Her team mates haze her and fuck with her head, her classmates tease her and her professors either creepily support her or are mean to her. Her only support comes from her roommate Nicole (Kaniehtiio Horn), though Nicole's best friend is a vile un-redeemable character.

Charlotte begins to have nightmares and lustful dreams that soon begin while she is awake making it nearly impossible for her to tell reality from the illusions.

Embrace the Vampire is a disappointing movie because it shows some real promise with the nightmare sequences. There is even a very well shot vampire stalk and kill scene that has a few great moments of misdirection. The plot however is cliched and horribly predictable. Even the effort at a red herring is just wasted. The dialogue emphasizes that it was male writers with probably few female friends behind the words, forcing me to wonder if Sharon Hinnendael is a poor actress or if nothing could save the shit she was instructed to say.

The attempts at eroticism fail worse than the horror elements. With nearly no developed relationships between the couples it is just random nudity thrown in for no other reason.

The film's greatest accomplishment though was it's ability to offend me. Equating virginity to a magical pureness (for women of course) is just wrong. Also from a script/plot perspective getting laid will mean you are no longer in danger. Oh yeah and sex with a woman doesn't count. This shit is just offensive.

I can't remember where I heard it but I will leave you with another's thoughts on this idea.

PARAPHRASED "If you believe touching a woman makes her un-pure, you probably shouldn't touch one"